Man City are everything Man Utd aren’t

OLD TRAFFORD — This was not one of those vivid, technicolour derby trashings that passes into folklore.

There’ll be no mural depicting the time an Erling Haaland brace undressed Manchester United on their own patch, no songs dreamt up to commemorate this resoundingly routine victory for the European champions.

No reckoning or calls for the overthrow of Erik ten Hag are imminent off the back of this either – the boos at the end were muted and barely audible. Manchester City comprehensively defeated United while toggling between second, third and the occasional foray into fourth gears. It is just what happens these days.

But it is precisely the lack of alarm bells clanging at Old Trafford which are the biggest concern. This is now United’s worst ever Premier League start, a fifth defeat in the league proving the recent late rescue acts were nothing more than a mirage, but it no longer constitutes cracked badge crisis club territory. Mediocrity has seeped into the red and white DNA and a floundering Ten Hag has played his part in that.

He has talked a good game since the summer but what progress have the club really made on his watch? A year ago they were walloped 6-3 at the Etihad and Ten Hag’s terse response garnered him plenty of plaudits. Here was the disciplinarian to shake the club from its torpor.

But a year and some £300m spent later, Ten Hag is no closer to bridging the gap to City and they appear to be falling behind well-managed top four insurgents like Newcastle United and Aston Villa.

Pep Guardiola’s side are some benchmark, with Rodri the midfield metronome and the sublime Bernardo Silva the supplier for chief executioner Haaland, but United were so feckless, their team selection so bewildering that their manager can’t escape his share of the blame.

We are told that Sir Jim Ratcliffe – whose investment and new ideas are imminent and will have been confirmed by their next home league game in November – intends to back Ten Hag. Surely, though, that is just canny PR so as not to unsettle the current coaching incumbent. If Sir Jim is serious about shaking things up, things will have to get better sharpish or his new football committee’s first job will be finding another manager.

What was going through Ten Hag’s head here?

Raphael Varane sat on the bench while Jonny Evans started. “Tactical,” Ten Hag said before the game. But their defensive line was so deep, their back four so flat footed, that City’s buccaneering forward line was always going to make hay against them.

There was no Casemiro in midfield while Mason Mount, the man Ten Hag urged his bosses to win an auction for to offer his team some control over games, sat on the bench. Scott McTominay, a player United have been hawking around for the past three transfer windows, was preferred in his place.

Predictably, there was no control. This is a United team who can’t bend Crystal Palace to their will, so expecting them to weave patterns against last season’s treble winners was a flight of fancy. Counter attack is their best strategy – their only strategy – and at the outset there was a flash of hope when McTominay and Rasmus Hojlund darted decisively to ruffle City feathers.

But City’s class, quality and gameplan were a million miles more convincing. Remember they arrived in a rare mini-wobble, back-to-back away defeats in the league offering rare signs of sky blue vulnerability.

Not here, though. Haaland is supposedly in a bit of a slump and lesser men might have dwelled on being unable to force the issue when Onana scrambled the ball away from his feet a few yards out with eight minutes on the clock.

Was it going to be one of those days? Haaland’s response, when Hojlund’s tug on Rodri in the penalty area was spotted by VAR, was emphatic. He rolled the spot kick passed Onana and bawled at the Stretford End. Chants of “Keano” – a reference to the career-ending injury his father suffered on this ground – encouraged him to cup his ear to the crowd. Those days of red dominance are long, long gone.

Andre Onana was the only measly positive for United and kept them in the game. He delivered a performance of real heft here, pulling off three world class save to keep the game competitive. He took a couple of unnecessary risks with his feet but with his hands he was brilliant, a strong right arm keeping Haaland from scoring four or five.

Contrast the Norway striker to United’s great Dane. Hojlund has something but he is so, so raw. Sent away by a loose sky blue pass just after the half hour mark, he overran the ball and City scrambled clear. It was a rare moment to punctuate the visitors’ dominance.

City scored again after the break, a brilliant move that ended with the sublime Silva overlapping before teeing up Haaland for a header, and United’s resolve dissolved. Phil Foden added a third with ten minutes remaining. It could easily have been five or six.

There are some things this club can still get right and the tribute to Sir Bobby Charlton was pitch perfect, poignant for its simplicity. All four corners of the ground – including the massed ranks of City fans – applauded.

Of course they did. For all the attention afforded a few immature morons last weekend, the real fans were always going to show their true colours.